She said no.

Over the years, I’ve heard plenty of stories where my students have put their training to use. After the holidays and a student came up at the end of class to share how much more confident she felt.

"The training has really helped".

"How?" I ask.

"It is easier for me to say no".

I was chuffed and went off to share the victory. I retold this to my friend. "What happened? How did she defend herself?"

"She said no".

It wasn’t a fight, there was no immediate physical violence. She was able to stop, assess and say no.

Of course, no may not be enough, we may need a physical response, but not every solution requires a punch.

I do believe physical skills are very important, I note that with the physical training also comes an inner confidence, as well as skills.

Why can't we say no?

* Sometimes the most difficult thing to say is also the simplest.

* Fear of Conflict. Saying no may lead to confrontation.

* Desire for Acceptance. We want to please.

* Possible guilt. The need to please may push into a fear of disappointing others.

* Not everyone feels comfortable asserting themselves, making them more likely to agree instead of expressing their true feelings.

Making it easier to say no involves building confidence and setting boundaries, through verbal and physical training.

Know your boundaries and your priorities; what matters most to you will make it easier to decline unwanted requests.

I always consider my boundaries and the consequences, I never jump into saying yes for the sake of pleasing others.

"No is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you. Declining to hear "no" is a signal that someone is either seeking control or refusing to relinquish it". - Gavin de Becker

"Saying no can be the ultimate self-care". - Claudia Black

#theselfdefencecoach